Return To Honor

A close friend of mine and I were in a discussion today about relative terms…words and phrases like love, truth, respect…and honor…words we all tend to take for granted assuming that everyone knows what we’re talking about when we use them. I was referring to men in prison who do their time “honorably” should be acknowledged somehow…maybe with a certificate of achievement or something to give them some kind of recognition for having done the right thing.
“What does that mean?” she retorted. “You think we should give them an award for doing time for something they screwed up? How can that be ‘honorable’?”
I was a bit taken aback because she works with me and she well knows what I mean by ‘honor.’ Or so I thought. It’s about standing tall, telling the truth, being in integrity and so forth. Even men in prison know the core truth of what that means. But then again, maybe not. I’ve had audiences of inmates stand and cheer when I talk about them doing their time ‘honorably.’ They seem to know what I mean, but maybe that’s just slogans and feel-good words. But my own teammate and manager didn’t seem to get what I thought was a given. Then I realized that she was making a damn good point: We don’t always speak the same language. Honor to an inmate can, in fact, be very different from honor on the battlefield, or the corporate workplace. It’s a relative term, no matter how much we might assume everyone knows what it is.
To men in prison, it’s more than staying out of trouble while doing their time. It’s about going the extra distance to make sure you’re not even suspect by people on either side of the walls of doing something devious or not right. You don’t sidestep issues or lie or manipulate others. You reach out, even if it’s without someone knowing, and you help them in some way. It’s caring about others first and yourself second…while still keeping to yourself and not interfering with their lives. It’s being courageous without bullying or resorting to needless violence…even if courage involves walking…not running…away from trouble. It’s about not buying into the “unwritten rules” of behavior that keep men on both sides playing mind games and intimidating each other. It’s about doing kind things and doing any job well, even when no one’s watching.
It’s no different on the outside, really…just less intense and far less threatening or intimidating. Prison (and jail) are places to learn fast…albeit a bit painfully at times…how to do such things without compromising one’s character or integrity. If one can accomplish that while locked up, that’s a huge jump in maturity and self-respect…which leads instantly to outward respect. To me, that’s what ‘honor’ is about…respect. That doesn’t mean coddling or cowtowing to others, or sucking up to them. It means simply that you acknowledge each person as a human being…not an “inmate” or any other label we use all too frequently for people we don’t know or understand or run with.
Anyone who can get through any length of sentence in prison or jail without incident, hostility or negative behavior certainly deserves some credit. It’s damn hard to get through such an experience without being confronted at some point. Anyone who does, has accomplished something significant, and yes…they deserve a certificate. From some of the places I’ve seen and heard about, just getting through it alive and intact and sane is cause for a medal…and receiving some sort of credit for doing their time well should be actively monitored by prison and jail staff, and make note of when it happens, how often and by whom…and that person will come out a better man or woman because someone took the time to notice in the first place, then made an effort to acknowledge it.
Yes…give them some recognition for getting through the minefields and the cesspools of the twisted world of our present correctional system…while under constant threat of ‘enemy fire.’ Give them a medal, a stripe or a certificate or something to say they did something honorable. That will be even better than a job reference, once we do it often enough and well enough to get it started. Once it shows up in changed attitudes by released as well as present inmates, and by correctional officials themselves, and others on the outside who are exposed to continued ‘honorable’ living, it will spread like wildfire.
What an example we could set by seeing someone come out of the pits of hell, clean themselves up and get back into the workforce…or, better yet, into schools and colleges once they qualify. After all, that’s what made this country great.

Don Kirchner

January 27, 2010

We live in a time where everything seems upside down and backwards. Having just elected a U.S. President by the largest margin of popularity in recent history with slogans of positive change and “Yes, we can,” we naively assumed that significant change would be forthcoming any day now.
A lot of things have changed, all right, but not many of them appear to have been all that positive…at least not for middle-class Americans. Not being particularly political in nature, I was nonetheless hopeful that something positive would come from the millions contributed to, raised and spent on both campaigns, and I have suffered through like everyone else the billions spent on bailouts, executive bonuses and comprehensive healthcare reform that doesn’t seem to amount to anything truly beneficial for the majority of us. What sort of “positive change” has taken place so far, and how long do we wait for the pieces to fit together so that the simplest real changes might come? Is it so hard, really?
Despite some ridiculously simple solutions that have been offered by mathematicians and economists who seem to have a lot of common sense, still things keep getting more complicated and elusive, and we appear to have yet another “runaway” government out of touch with reality and with us…their true employers. Once again we find ourselves on yet another roller coaster ride, over which it feels like we have no control.
But we do have control. We just don’t realize it because we don’t understand the sheer simplicity of how control works. It’s not about opinion polls, elections or chains of command. It’s about setting higher standards for ourselves that can give us each a firm foundation in our own lives first, then by example and demonstration greater and greater impact and influence on those we deal with every day. Gradually, those standards can become immutable and non-negotiable, such that it becomes clear who does and who does not embrace those standards.
The standards I’m talking about are not philosophical, esoteric or theological. They are the core principles and values that made this country, and some past civilizations, great. Among them are moral values such as telling the truth, courage, honesty, respecting others and valuing one’s own self. There are others, but if we can get even a few of those down, we can change our lives, and influence others to change theirs. Ultimately, that will change the world, and bring sensibility and sanity back.
I know that seems a bit altruistic and far-fetched, but it’s true. We just lost touch with the common and simple values we all know in our hearts are right and true, no matter what philosophy or religion one embraces. We may not be able to change radical terrorists, but we can gradually change the people we deal with every day, and in turn they can impact more of their contacts until eventually people are treating one another respectfully. It can happen…and yes, we can…make a difference in the world, one person at a time.

Don Kirchner
Sedona, AZ

This website is dedicated to the hundreds of thousands of men and women who are facing one of the scariest moments in their lives — one of those forks in the road that can determine the course of the rest of your life. You have to find a job coming from difficult circumstances. You can use all the help you can get, but how to find it?

First, I want everyone to know that we have all the tools you will need to put you on an even playing field with your competition. With the economy losing millions of jobs under the incompetence of our almost former President, you’ve got an uphill battle ahead, but you do have an organization on your side. We will be providing resources you can use online, NOW. This website is not only to help you in adjusting to the cold cruel world, but to give you a place to express yourselves as this blog grows.

In the song, “Wish You Were Here”, by Pink Floyd (and how many haven’t uttered those words in their minds over and over again?), Roger Waters really gets to the heart of the “caged” experience and his music conveys the kind of feeling I’d like visitors to this site to have as you become comfortable with TCF (The Cost of Freedom). He talks about experiencing the “same old fears, year after year”. Pink Floyd:

I often tell people I’ve counseled to consider leaving incarceration for “freedom” similar to a death. The old you is dead. The past is history. Your challenge is to focus on what lies ahead, your future. You are very lucky. Because the death you are experiencing is in no way like a real death experience. For instance, rock star Eric Clapton lost his beloved 4 year-old son, Conor, in a fall from a building in New York. For almost a year, he couldn’t sing, perform, or function. Then, he overcame it by facing it head-on, and writing a song for his son, “Tears in Heaven”. Enjoy the song and make sure to bookmark this site.

Posted by: The Candid Blogger

Don Kirchner's True Story - "A Matter of Time"

Don Kirchner's newest book "Return To Honor"

In response to the two previous comments posted, I invite them as well as new readers to ongoing dialog about something very simple yet profound in this process I have come to call “a return to honor.” This isn’t just about former inmates. It’s about all of us “returning” to a state of mind and heart that allows for changes to be made in the way things have come to be. It means returning to what made this country truly great, and what most of us secretly, if not openly, yearn for…which is people caring about one another again. It’s a about r-e-s-p-e-c-t…at its most basic and fundamental level.

By respecting another person’s point of view, or their right to exist on this planet as a human being, does not mean tolerating or condoning bad behavior. It means simply to treat them as you would have them treat you. If they’ve committed a crime, they deserve to be punished…but only according to the nature and seriousness of the crime. They need to feel the shock of being removed from society and left alone to consider their crimes…even to endure harsh punishment, if need be…but along the way, they also need to know that there is a way out. They must know that for them there is a way back to society, with honor, if they are willing to make changes. In order for them to make changes, most of them need to be educated and re-directed…and then welcomed back into their communities with a chance to give back to society in proportion to what they took from it.

As we near the point of an “official” launch of something I set into motion over ten years ago, I feel it important to establish what this “Return To Honor” concept is all about. It’s about people, essentially, and how to begin respecting one another even though we might not agree with each other about politics, culture, religion or other important things. What is important is that we at least make an effort to understand cultural differences, and causes of ill behavior rather than reacting to the outward symptoms.

What makes me an expert on the subject? I’m not…but for 2 1/2 years I was an inmate in the federal prison system where I learned first-hand the best…and worst…lessons in human behavior, from people on BOTH sides of the fences and walls. I discovered that freedom is not a physical thing, but is emotional and psychological. I learned more about personal freedom from long-time inmates than I ever learned on the outside…and I’ve observed more people in prisons of their own minds on the outside than I did those who were actually locked up in prisons and jails. I laughed harder, cried more and felt more deeply about common human frailties, avarice and heroism on the inside of prison walls and jail cells than I have anywhere else, before or since.

The Return To Honor program was conceived at a time when my eyes, heart and mind first started to open to what really causes criminal behavior…and more importantly, what keeps it going…and its concept is simple but profound. With even a modicum of respect for one another, no matter what one’s personal history may be, we can make a measurable difference in criminal behavior that will have a ripple effect on every strata of American…and even global…society. Crime doesn’t happen because people are innately criminal. It happens because we don’t address the causes of crime. Instead, we react to it out of fear, ignorance and indifference…and we inflame it with racial and social prejudice and favoritism. No matter how “fair” we might think ourselves to be as a nation, we have created a correctional system that is anything but fair. It’s an incubator system where crime only begets more crime…and woe be it to anyone who enters it thinking otherwise. As individuals, some of us might make it through unscarred and untainted, but rarely “corrected.”

My comments and my views are not pointed at anyone in particular, nor as an outcry against “the system.” It’s what it is because we have allowed it to evolve the way it has. My respects to those who work in the justice, law enforcement and correctional systems. They have a horrendous job to do, which only gets harder and more complex as we continue to ignore the simplest approaches to human beings who have made mistakes. Some are incorrigible, granted. But the majority can and want to change. They just don’t know how, where to begin or whom to trust. My contention––and it’s been confirmed by many hundreds of people on both sides––is that we must be stern and resolute in correcting criminal behavior, but we must be willing to understand the causes and treat those. We do that with respect…and with common-sense approaches to creating bridges back “home” for those who have erred…many of whom never knew anything better.

In so doing, perhaps we can all “return to honor” as a nation of intelligent, compassionate people who take care of their own. With over two million men, women and children locked up somewhere in this country, every one of them someone’s father, brother, mother, sister, aunt, uncle or cousin, they ARE “our own.” Statistically, each one of them affects five to ten other people, so you can rest assured that any meaningful attempt to assist any of them in their successful return home WILL make a measurable difference for all of us.

More to come.

Don Kirchner