Return To Honor

Tonight I watched Michael Jackson’s final concert film, “This Is It,” with close friends. I’ve never been a huge Michael Jackson fan, although it’s hard not to admire someone who has so many hit songs to his credit, and who was undeniably a genius in music, dance and technical production. Even though his love for children may have been somewhat misguided and inappropriate, I don’t happen to believe that he was the freak that the media and conservative critics made him out to be because as I watched him I was highly inspired by his absolute determination to be his best, and by his respectful, deeply caring attitude toward everyone around him.
My reason in bringing this up is that again and again I was enthralled with his demonstration of excellence and his consistent push to perform at the highest possible level of his craft. His passion and his love for not just his music but for people of all ages and cultures, and for the planet were apparent. I had no idea, from what I had heard and read about him, but I got that he didn’t need to do another concert, and he wasn’t trying to vindicate himself. Every song he sang, which he’s sung countless thousands of times in his life, was performed as if it were the first time, and his finale summed up what I’m saying about his nature and his purpose. It was “Man In The Mirror,” in which he made it clear where his focus was. It was on himself, and how the only way any of us can make a change in the world is to take a look at ourselves and stand and deliver…with passion and excellence…and love.
No matter who you are, or what you do in life, you can only help make the world a better place by starting with that man (or woman) in the mirror and make the changes that will bring you sanity, peace and dignity…one day at a time. You don’t need to be a celebrity to do that. You can do it one person at a time…with powerful love like I saw on that stage tonight…for my sixth time.

I’m sure there will be a seventh.

Don Kirchner
August 1, 2010

Charles Dickens wrote in A Tale Of Two Cities the classic line, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.” At no other time in my tumultuous life have I known that to be more true than right now. I look ahead and I look around, and I see and feel dread, fear, anger and despair, and yet in the midst of it and beyond it in truly glorious colors, shades and hues I also see and feel beauty, hope, promise and even joy.
How is that possible, and which is really true? A teacher of mine once said that everything has its balancing counterpart, and if we can step back in our minds far enough from any given event or experience, we will see the balance of all forces. Many of our great religions teach us in some form or another that “God gives us hardships in direct proportion to what we are capable of handling.” How capable we are of “handling” anything, I believe, is the degree to which we are able to “step back” and look objectively at the dilemmas of our lives. Our willingness to do that enables us to see those dilemmas for what they really are…opportunities to gain strength, insight and clarity about things we only thought we knew about before, or had learned…or perhaps resisted out of fear or discomfort or arrogance.
Whatever they are or have been for you, they are not insurmountable or as bad as they may seem, no matter how grim or awful they may look. They are only that way to the extent that you fear them, resist them or detest them. It is vital that you do not see anything or anyone as “doing something to you,” but rather that you have created the experience yourself through many different devices, beliefs and patterns of behavior and thinking for your own growth and transformation. “God” didn’t do anything to you but give you grace…which is your own spirit to draw upon for insight, inspiration and faith to accept what is before you and what you’ve left behind you in your wake, and do something positive and counterbalancing not just to make it right but to propel you out of the storms and into the bright, sunny light of day beyond them.
If you choose to see only the storms and the difficulties, you will only continue to create them as further “evidence” that life is stormy…the “worst of times,” as Dickens wrote. If you choose, however, to see the storms as merely experiences you have created to learn something or simply something to experience and gain wisdom from, then they will abate and you will see and experience what a friend of mine and I coined recently as “tangible miracles”…things that happen for no particular reason that bring new light, new friendships, unforeseen encounters and “chance” meetings with others who suddenly make life so much more meaningful, joyous and fun. Suddenly, it’s the best of times.
You and you alone have the power to change even the worst of maelstroms in your life into forces of good and decency. Call on God or Allah or the Great Spirit, if you wish, to help you through it, but know in your deepest psyche that it is you that determines by your daily choices how to view the problems in your life in such a way that you can thank them, bless them and use them so you can stop hacking and slashing your way through a jungle when there is a paved road only a few yards away.
You can keep hacking and slashing if you wish to, but at least you’ll know the road is always there. Then you can stop from time to time, raise your goblet in toast to the journey you’re on…and laugh. It’s only as bad as we think it is.
To the journey…

Don Kirchner

Sedona, AZ

A close friend of mine and I were in a discussion today about relative terms…words and phrases like love, truth, respect…and honor…words we all tend to take for granted assuming that everyone knows what we’re talking about when we use them. I was referring to men in prison who do their time “honorably” should be acknowledged somehow…maybe with a certificate of achievement or something to give them some kind of recognition for having done the right thing.
“What does that mean?” she retorted. “You think we should give them an award for doing time for something they screwed up? How can that be ‘honorable’?”
I was a bit taken aback because she works with me and she well knows what I mean by ‘honor.’ Or so I thought. It’s about standing tall, telling the truth, being in integrity and so forth. Even men in prison know the core truth of what that means. But then again, maybe not. I’ve had audiences of inmates stand and cheer when I talk about them doing their time ‘honorably.’ They seem to know what I mean, but maybe that’s just slogans and feel-good words. But my own teammate and manager didn’t seem to get what I thought was a given. Then I realized that she was making a damn good point: We don’t always speak the same language. Honor to an inmate can, in fact, be very different from honor on the battlefield, or the corporate workplace. It’s a relative term, no matter how much we might assume everyone knows what it is.
To men in prison, it’s more than staying out of trouble while doing their time. It’s about going the extra distance to make sure you’re not even suspect by people on either side of the walls of doing something devious or not right. You don’t sidestep issues or lie or manipulate others. You reach out, even if it’s without someone knowing, and you help them in some way. It’s caring about others first and yourself second…while still keeping to yourself and not interfering with their lives. It’s being courageous without bullying or resorting to needless violence…even if courage involves walking…not running…away from trouble. It’s about not buying into the “unwritten rules” of behavior that keep men on both sides playing mind games and intimidating each other. It’s about doing kind things and doing any job well, even when no one’s watching.
It’s no different on the outside, really…just less intense and far less threatening or intimidating. Prison (and jail) are places to learn fast…albeit a bit painfully at times…how to do such things without compromising one’s character or integrity. If one can accomplish that while locked up, that’s a huge jump in maturity and self-respect…which leads instantly to outward respect. To me, that’s what ‘honor’ is about…respect. That doesn’t mean coddling or cowtowing to others, or sucking up to them. It means simply that you acknowledge each person as a human being…not an “inmate” or any other label we use all too frequently for people we don’t know or understand or run with.
Anyone who can get through any length of sentence in prison or jail without incident, hostility or negative behavior certainly deserves some credit. It’s damn hard to get through such an experience without being confronted at some point. Anyone who does, has accomplished something significant, and yes…they deserve a certificate. From some of the places I’ve seen and heard about, just getting through it alive and intact and sane is cause for a medal…and receiving some sort of credit for doing their time well should be actively monitored by prison and jail staff, and make note of when it happens, how often and by whom…and that person will come out a better man or woman because someone took the time to notice in the first place, then made an effort to acknowledge it.
Yes…give them some recognition for getting through the minefields and the cesspools of the twisted world of our present correctional system…while under constant threat of ‘enemy fire.’ Give them a medal, a stripe or a certificate or something to say they did something honorable. That will be even better than a job reference, once we do it often enough and well enough to get it started. Once it shows up in changed attitudes by released as well as present inmates, and by correctional officials themselves, and others on the outside who are exposed to continued ‘honorable’ living, it will spread like wildfire.
What an example we could set by seeing someone come out of the pits of hell, clean themselves up and get back into the workforce…or, better yet, into schools and colleges once they qualify. After all, that’s what made this country great.

Don Kirchner

January 27, 2010

We live in a time where everything seems upside down and backwards. Having just elected a U.S. President by the largest margin of popularity in recent history with slogans of positive change and “Yes, we can,” we naively assumed that significant change would be forthcoming any day now.
A lot of things have changed, all right, but not many of them appear to have been all that positive…at least not for middle-class Americans. Not being particularly political in nature, I was nonetheless hopeful that something positive would come from the millions contributed to, raised and spent on both campaigns, and I have suffered through like everyone else the billions spent on bailouts, executive bonuses and comprehensive healthcare reform that doesn’t seem to amount to anything truly beneficial for the majority of us. What sort of “positive change” has taken place so far, and how long do we wait for the pieces to fit together so that the simplest real changes might come? Is it so hard, really?
Despite some ridiculously simple solutions that have been offered by mathematicians and economists who seem to have a lot of common sense, still things keep getting more complicated and elusive, and we appear to have yet another “runaway” government out of touch with reality and with us…their true employers. Once again we find ourselves on yet another roller coaster ride, over which it feels like we have no control.
But we do have control. We just don’t realize it because we don’t understand the sheer simplicity of how control works. It’s not about opinion polls, elections or chains of command. It’s about setting higher standards for ourselves that can give us each a firm foundation in our own lives first, then by example and demonstration greater and greater impact and influence on those we deal with every day. Gradually, those standards can become immutable and non-negotiable, such that it becomes clear who does and who does not embrace those standards.
The standards I’m talking about are not philosophical, esoteric or theological. They are the core principles and values that made this country, and some past civilizations, great. Among them are moral values such as telling the truth, courage, honesty, respecting others and valuing one’s own self. There are others, but if we can get even a few of those down, we can change our lives, and influence others to change theirs. Ultimately, that will change the world, and bring sensibility and sanity back.
I know that seems a bit altruistic and far-fetched, but it’s true. We just lost touch with the common and simple values we all know in our hearts are right and true, no matter what philosophy or religion one embraces. We may not be able to change radical terrorists, but we can gradually change the people we deal with every day, and in turn they can impact more of their contacts until eventually people are treating one another respectfully. It can happen…and yes, we can…make a difference in the world, one person at a time.

Don Kirchner
Sedona, AZ